its been a month since i last blogged!

well, i got a good scare of my life when doctor found a 5cm tumor on my thyroid! he told me it could be cancerous... and i thought... oh no... its time...... my time is up....

i went for the operation even though its not cancerous... and i am now recovering at home. feels funny to lose a part of me which have been with me for so many years! yap..the doctor took out half of my thyroid. its gone.... forever.

there is a cut line on my neck now.... it feels funny...sort of like someone just slit your throat...
but i am getting use to it. it feel funny when i eat and drink....something is missing....

i am glad that it was detected early and removed...otherwise, it could have been cancerous in time to come.

funny how all this tumor pops up on our body that you never notice... scary isn't it?

maybe its really time that we be more responsible with how we treat our environment, our animals and our food. its revenge of mother earth!

having said all that, there is really something i learn from this episode. its really a wake up call. everything is in God's time. he can give you freely and he can take it away swiftly. we have to constantly stay alert and listen to God. Be ready for his coming for he will come at a time you least expected.

and then i thought...

i am a lector in the church. for those who does not know what a lector is in the Roman Catholic faith, a lector is someone who proclaim the Word of the Lord during Mass. Its a very important ministry. I did not feel I am up to it and it scared the shit of of me everytime I go up to the altar to proclaim! I hate that feeling...even when I have been doing it for 15 years! i have been telling the wife the past few months how i wanted to step down from the lector's ministry... cos I cannot do it anymore!

when i found out that there is a tumor in my thyroid and that if i go ahead with the operation, i may lose my voice.... and i was like....GOD!!!! i may never speak again!!

I realise that maybe God still wants me to serve in the ministry but because of my selfish reason... i wanted out!

many things went through my mind the few days when i was told of the tumor.... finding reasons and meaning in this episode. i prayed.... for myself to have the strength to go on...even without the voice. something hit me at one point. I told the wife that IF i don't lose my voice after the op... i will continue to serve in the lector's ministry faithfully... even if it scare the shit out of me every time i proclaim... and that is the promised i gave to the Lord.

the day of the op was at hand... i prayed... and then before i knew it... the doc was waking me up from the op and asking if I was ok.... and i replied to her... "i am ok" in my original voice!

i thank God... and went back to sleep...cos i was still feeling drowsy....

the wife came into my bed later and called me.... i remember the first thing i told her was... "I can proclaim" and then i went back to sleep.

its a lesson learnt for me..... everything is in God time. We don't dictate of what we want and don't want to do, God does!

another useless thought.