sometimes. as i lay on my bed, i think of people living with cancer or some terminal illness., especially those who have such great courage to fight and live life to the fullest even if their days are number.

then i will ask myself: 'what if i have cancer today?'

courage is something that you have when you are faced with a crisis in life... like death for example.
i just thought whether i have that courage to fight the illness, not for a cure, but to face life head on come what may! will i be strong or will i crumble like a domino? will i whine with the slightest pain? will i still be calm and relax? should i feel sorry for myself? more important.... will i blame God?

and then i thought... what have i achieved so far in life? was i a happy person during my lifetime? have i make other people happy? have i inspire anyone?

i do have my brushes with the thought of cancer... like the lump found in my thyroid which i have already removed. its was agonising to wait for the test result.... a lot of 'what if' questions pops into my head....

and the question i have for myself right at this moment as i type...... how do i want to leave this world today?

another useless thought