about life and death

This must have been the toughest experience I ever have since becoming an extra ordinary minister of holy communion...

Giving communion to the sick is one thing, but giving communion to the dying is another. It never occurred to me that it was hard.

it did not feel right.... maybe i am really not worthy to be giving communion. especially to a dying man... he deserves better...

Something just overcame me and I really didn't know what it was. I soon realised that I have being thinking of this man i was giving communion to. Many thoughts came into my mind.

Recently, I gave communion to a man who just got baptised. He was is 91 years old and dying. He was a funny man of sort. You can tell. He was jovial and happy. 

It is about life.... and death.

It really sets me thinking about life. I am quite disturbed by this whole experience. the frailty of life... it make me wonder what life is really all about.

you can be here at this moment but gone the next.

then what is life?

we study hard and work hard all our lives just to live a good life, but really... what is enough? or should i say how much is enough?

at the end, we still lie on the bed with tubes all over us and helpless... just waiting... waiting for that hour to come and leave our loved ones behind.

there are many things running through my head. I cannot piece them together and make sense of things.

i think the main question is: WHAT IS THE POINT? what is the point to be angry with people. what is the point of holding on to procession. what is the point of being wicked. what is the point of of bearing grudges. what is the point of the many unnecessary and useless anxiety?

today 19 Aug '13, I was reading the daily reflection. and its about giving up all our procession and follow Jesus. the man walk away an unhappy man because he cannot give them all up because he simply have too many worldly procession to give up and follow God.

straightaway, i connect this with my thoughts for the past few weeks.

can I follow Jesus the way he wants me to? or will I be like the man who walk away an unhappy man?

honestly, I am still struggling with my thoughts. my heart is heavy especially now that I was told he has pass on today. i write this to pen my thoughts so that I can revisit this one day when its clearer. or one day when another experience pass me by where this incident with in some way linked.

another useless thought... but i am not sure if this is really a useless thought though.